Leibster Blog Award ;)

I don’t get to go online and post a lot of things on this blog. I’m so sorry. *sigh* But it’s wonderful because Xian has thought of nominating me for the Leibster Blog Award! It’s an award that bloggers give to other bloggers that they really like. It’s a sort of appreciation for your fellow bloggers. Hmm, very interesting! And it has a set of rules as well when you’re nominated. I would like to thank Xian for tagging me and sorry I wasn’t able to do this sooner! Let’s see…

1. Thank the person who nominated you and insert their link. (did this already!)
2. Post 11 facts about yourself.
3. Answer the 11 questions your nominee asked you.
4. Tag 11 blogs.
5. Create 11 questions for the people you tagged.

Okay, I’ll start with the 11 facts about myself.

1. I am a finance major, but I really, desperately want to become a theater actress because I love to sing and act.
2. I can’t dance.
3. I don’t look like it, but I am a Philippine Marines reservist.
4. I don’t like sweets. I love sour food though.
5. I CAN’T STAND SPICY FOOD.
6. I watched Cinderella (the Disney animated movie) for the first time when I was 18 years old. Yes, 18.
7. I am not a very artsy person.
8. I am a Potterhead through and through!
9. I cry easily.
10. I keep a diary and I love it.
11. I’ve had piano and violin lessons as a child but I don’t know how to play anymore.

And then, I’m going to answer the questions Xian asked me!

1. How are you today?
   - I’m currently struggling with my thesis. HAHAHA!
2. When did you start blogging?
   - I started blogging when I was 9 or 10 years old. I believe my first blog site was on Diaryland.
3. What made you make your own blog?
   - I really loved designing themes back then and I was wondering how the “pros” did them. I made my own blog in order to practice designing pages. It was only then I realized that I loved writing posts more than making designs.
4. What is your Zodiac sign?
   - Scorpio!
5. Do you believe in Magic?
   - As much as I would love to believe in it, I know it’s not real :(
6. Do you believe in Aliens? XD
   - No =))
7. What’s the most expensive thing you spend for yourself?
   - The most expensive thing that I ever bought for myself (and with my own money) would be my Samsung Galaxy S3.
8. Are you willing to die for someone?
   - If I really need to do it, yes, definitely.
9. Are you an extrovert or introvert?
   - Introvert.
10. Have you ever been wasted? Like really fucked-up? XD
    - OH, YES! =)))))
11. Current color of the shirt you’re wearing?
    - Red!

Now I guess it’s time for me to make my own questions :D

1. If you could turn back time and do something you’ve never done before, what would it be?
2. Do you think online blog friends can be just as good as real-life friends?
3. Do you like to travel?
4. As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up?
5. What was the last movie you saw?
6. Would you rather be the most popular kid in school or the smartest kid in school?
7. What would you be doing right now if you weren’t answering these questions? (heehee)
8. What is the craziest thing you’ve ever done?
9. Would you rather live in a warm or a cold place?
10. What is your earliest memory?
11. If magic and superpowers were real, what power would you like to have?

Lastly, tagging some people! :) This is where it gets tricky. I don’t have a lot of blog friends (many of them stopped blogging long ago and some don’t do tags) so I will only tag the 9 blogs I really enjoy reading as of now :) Yanka, Sakura, Umi, Michelle, Wyona, Claire, Grysh, Nicole, Jessica!

Yield

Is it a bad thing to be honest and true?

Do you know the feeling where the things you do are very different from what others are doing? But you know you’re doing the right thing, no matter how different you might be. Everyone tells you to throw away all your beliefs and convictions because it doesn’t pay to be honest. It doesn’t pay to be a good person.

How can you truly say that you have succeeded in school, or in life as a whole? Are your grades the only determinants of your worth as a person? I do admit that grades are everything. Grades will determine other people’s first impression of you. But is that all? Is getting a high grade reason enough to throw your values out the window?

I have been challenged countless times in my whole life as a student. I have been asked the same questions over and over again. And my answer has always been the same.

Perhaps no one will understand me, but I told them that although my grades are important to me, it is not my greatest concern. The most important thing for me is to know that I reached my position without ever cheating others or dragging other people down. I want to know that I am getting recognized because of my hard work, not because I cheated others or took credit for their work.

I seriously don’t care what others think of me regarding this matter, because at the end of the day, it will always be about me, my conscience, and my moral standards. I will never yield.

The importance of friends

I’m not the type of person who tells other people her concerns. I mean, I do share some things with other people, but I mostly share my joys and not my problems. It’s because I believe that I should find all the anwers and solutions on my own. Besides, the world doesn’t give a damn whether I’m sad or troubled, everyone goes on with their lives. So why should I bother them with my problems?

I’ve always thought that way… Until this term, that is.

As I was walking towards my seat one afternoon, the first thing my classmates asked me was, “Claudine, are you okay?”

Damn, until now, I still couldn’t explain how wonderful that feeling was. It was a simple question but it really struck me at that time. It felt really nice having friends who care about you that much. And for the first time in a long time, I just ranted and told them everything that was bothering me, and afterwards, we just found ourselves laughing at each other because we all had the same problems! It felt good being understood by other people. I think we’re really concerned for each other because we are going through the same things and these things are a lot easier to bear when friends help each other.

Some people told me once that you seldom meet great friends in college. I beg to disagree. This bunch I have is the best one so far, and my college life would have been really dark and depressing without them.

New Year, new learnings

Well, what can I say? This is the first time I am taking New Year’s seriously and I’ve made quite a few resolutions and plans in order to make this year productive, because I want to own this year! I don’t know why my attitude towards the New Year suddenly changed though, but I think it’s because of what happened during the 1st of January.

I don’t want to go to the specifics, but let’s just say that I embarrassed myself in front of lots of people, and they were expecting so much from me. HAHA! I just realized during that time that it’s not that I don’t have a gift or a talent to show to other people, it’s just that I don’t have the confidence to show whatever I have. I don’t have the confidence to learn new things because I’m always thinking of what other poeple will think of me if I do this or if I do that.

But this year? What the heck, I don’t care anymore! I mean, this is so cliche but life is indeed too short and if I don’t let myself enjoy the moment, what’s going to happen to me? My life is going to be full of what-ifs. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life wondering what would have happened if I just did what I wanted to do and didn’t mind what other people would say. I am actually pretty daring when no one seems to give a damn in what I’m doing, but once they notice, I suddenly feel like I have to live up to their expectations.

I’m turning 20 this year, so I also feel like 2013 is the last chance I have to savor every moment of my teenage life. After this year, it’s going to be all work for me (or maybe not, I’ll figure that out after graduation HAHA) so I want to make the most out of it! And I think this year is starting pretty well for me. Last Saturday I attended my favorite singer’s concert (Regine Velasquez’s Silver Rewind concert, for those Filipinos who know :D) and I’m still on a high right now! Then, next week, I will be going to Cebu for the first time to experience the Sinulog Festival! I am so excited! I will also be going back to Baguio next month for the PMA Homecoming! Hmm, why do I feel that this year is going to be eventful? Hmm ;)

So how was your New Year? Is everything going well so far? :)

New discoveries + School blues

Would you believe that I just got introduced to the wonderful series that is How I Met Your Mother? Hahaha! My boyfriend is a BIG, BIG FAN of the show and since he always talks about it, I got curious too (well, I also wanted to be able to relate to his stories and references to certain characters and events). So during our term break, we celebrated our anniversary by having a marathon of the show. I really like it! I love the characters and Ted’s crazy attempts to look for a girlfriend are just too funny. Now I can’t wait to watch more of the show. Lots of people in school watch lots of TV series and now I know why HIMYM is one of the favorites here in campus. Lol!

Hey, I also learned how to swim during the term break! My boyfriend is a good swimmer and I, on the other hand, am scared of the water because I didn’t know how to swim. I never had plans to learn because I’m afraid of drowning. Haha, I think it’s also because my mom wouldn’t let me go to the deeper parts of the pool as a child even if the people around me were willing to teach me. My mom allowed me to come during that time though, as long as I was with somebody she trusted. But anyway, I never thought swimming could be so much fun! It feels great being in the water without fearing that you might drown or something. The next time my cousins invite me to a resort, I won’t refuse anymore. Yay!

Oh, I also had my graduation pictorial a week ago. Awesome, right? I know the pictorial’s too soon because my graduation is still next year but I’m really, really excited to graduate. Seeing my photos with the toga on just makes me think of a lot of things. Of course, the big world out there is really scary because I will finally have to fend for myself, especially with the intense competition that I’m sure to encounter during job-hunting. But with that in mind, I guess I should just enjoy the remaining times I’m going to have in school. I should grab every opportunity to grow and excel in whatever’s left for me to do. I could feel that this term is going to be tiring, but who says I’m going to give up? I’m still far from the finish line so I’ll just exert more effort no matter how difficult (wow, I sound like a very hardworking student. I’m not. HAHA!)

Long weekend? What long weekend?

So here’s the thing. The President declared August 20 (Eid-al-Fitr) and 21 (Ninoy Aquino Day) as non-working holidays, so that means students will get to rest for two days and everyone will resume classes on Wednesday.

Everyone, except us.

I don’t know the exact details, but I heard that our school paid a penalty of some sort for us to be able to hold classes on these days. It is understandable, though. You may have heard from the news of heavy rains and floods here in the Philippines two weeks ago; and as a result, our classes were suspended for the whole week. And since my school adopts the trimestral system, we were greatly affected during those suspensions. Our term was supposed to end this month but we had to extend and have make-up classes in order to catch up with our lessons. So there. Our school is the only school to have classes today and tomorrow.

I was actually fine with the whole make-up classes thing because I KNOW that we need it. But now, I can’t help but envy the other students who don’t have classes because I’m not feeling very well. When I was in school awhile ago, I almost fainted while walking in the hallway because I felt really dizzy and I couldn’t see where I was going. It was also hard to breathe. Even I don’t understand my situation. Maybe I should pay my cardiologist a visit or I should just rest here at home for as long as I want. But how will I do that if I have quizzes and presentations tomorrow in almost all of my subjects? As of now, I’m supposed to be resting but here I am, still working on my requirements.

Sheesh. I could really use that long weekend right now.

Awesome comeback!

Hey guys, I’m still here. Haha! Well I just want to thank each and every one of those people who commented on my last post and gave me tips on how to overcome my shyness in class. I’m slowly working on it and now I can say that I am kinda more active in class now. I’m realizing that it’s not really about being smart (although I still beat myself up sometimes for getting the wrong answers, but not so much now), it’s about the right attitude towards learning. I’m also glad that I’m not alone in those kinds of problems, at least I know I’m not abnormal or something :)

Anyway, a lot of things happened to me during the weeks I wasn’t able to blog, but one of the best things happened to my dad, not to me. My dad is already a one-star general! Yay! He went home last Thursday for his oath taking and when my mom told me that he would be coming home, I did not know that he would have his oath taking immediately! It was too soon but it was so exciting! We were really happy upon learning about this because the whole family has been waiting for this for so long. My dad was one of the few people in his batch who still haven’t gotten their promotion and in my opinion, it’s long overdue. Oh well, better late than never! It was a very special event and the whole family was complete even for just one day (my brother’s a doctor so we don’t really see each other a lot; he’s always in the hospital). Well, he’s leaving tomorrow morning and although we’re going to miss him, we’re excited for all the new things he’s going to experience. Of course he’ll still be in ARMM but you know, he still feels very close to us because he constantly communicates with us. I’m so lucky to have a dad like him.

And does he feel lucky to have me? I hope so, because I gave him a gift so that he’ll be happy before he leaves…

Because really, that’s the least I could do for him and my mom for all the things they have done for me. :)

Believe

Today is the end of the second week of classes and this morning, I had a very interesting experience.

In my first and second subjects, we had these discussions. My professors encourage students to participate in the discussion and contribute their own thoughts. And people really talked a lot in both subjects! At first, I did not know why I found that so stressful. But well, I just realized that I still haven’t outgrown my shyness when it comes to recitations and class discussions. I don’t even think I can call it shyness. It’s more like an inhibition. I don’t like speaking up when there’s a discussion going on. I don’t think my opinion is needed. And I just hate it when I make mistakes. I think that’s really one of my biggest flaws. I hate making mistakes. I hate bothering my classmates with my [wrong] recitation answers when they could be spending time listening to the right answer, provided of course by the professor. I don’t like asking questions too. I’ve encountered teachers in grade school who seriously hate it when students ask questions, so I think it just stuck with me that I shouldn’t ask questions and should just let the teacher talk. It’s also annoying how my professors single me out every time because of my performance in recitations. I don’t know if it’s because I’m doing well or if it’s because of my seemingly stupid questions.

I tried talking to people about this, and this morning I talked to my best friend/boyfriend, who is seriously one of the smartest and most insightful people I’ve ever met in the university (no, really). I told him that I’m just not used to speaking in front of many people and it’s embarrassing if I say the wrong things. Well, he said making mistakes is part of learning and regarding the speaking part, he said I wouldn’t have gotten a high grade in speech class if I wasn’t good at what I was doing. But come to think of it, I only got to pull off my speeches because I looked and acted like I knew what I was doing. I’m obviously not the most confident person in the world but that’s how I pull off most of my speeches. I ACT. Haha my dad told me the same thing once when I talked to him. People only see what’s outside, so if I looked like I knew what I’m talking about, they’re going to listen to me and if I make a mistake, who cares? He said it’s just like when I’m performing onstage. He knows that the stage is my home, I don’t feel intimidated when I’m on it. He’s seen me perform a lot of times and he told me that he could see that when I’m onstage, I don’t show any sign of nervousness or shyness and even if there are so many people better than me, I show people that I matter. And when I make a mistake, they don’t even notice. My boyfriend agrees, and tells me that I should treat the classroom as my stage if I get the jitters. Really corny, but it might work.

I need to have good grades this term, and I think I’ll do better if I start believing in myself. I’m really scared. If you have other things to help me achieve this, please tell me! I would love to read your opinions! :)

Summer break… NOT

Wow, I haven’t been blogging much! I never realized how busy I was the past month… Well, I got my grades a week ago and I’m so glad I got good grades even though it was super difficult to maintain my GPA due to the minimal load. Haha I’m still in the Dean’s List, yay! :) I have to work harder for the next few terms. I only have 5 to go! :D Anyway, I am taking a summer class right now. I don’t really need it, but I’m just taking it in order to advance. I just shifted so it would really be a big help if I still want to graduate on time. It’s really difficult, though! How can you cram 14 weeks worth of topics, activities, and exams in 3 weeks of summer classes? It’s insane! And it’s not just a minor subject, it’s a pre-requisite for my majors! And it’s really different from last term’s math subject because last term’s focus was differential calculus (which I like), but this time it’s integral calculus and it’s really killing me! But I think it’s just the fast-paced summer term though. We had our first quiz yesterday and although my professor was kind enough to make it an open-notes test, it was still hard. I hope I pass, seriously. And I hope I do better in the financial applications part of all these integral calculus whatever. Haha.

So while I am studying in school every single day, my parents and my brother are in the province, having the time of their lives. They seem to be enjoying themselves and they make sure to call me every day so that I would be jealous. Lol. I love my super crazy family, I wish we were all there! Oh well, I’ll make sure I’ll pass this subject so that I don’t regret not going on vacation this summer. I hope I get to relax soon, though. It gets pretty tiring. Heehee so how have you guys been?

Changes

I am currently taking a break from studying and I’m glad that I can blog during my free time. Anyway, I’ve noticed a lot of changes in my life recently. I’m usually adaptive, but some are really big changes and I don’t know how to respond to them!

Change #1: I can eat chocolates again!!!

Well, 4 years ago, my cardiologist told me that I am not allowed to eat chocolate. I really, really loved them but it was okay with me since it was for my own health anyway. I craved for them once in a while, but I never ate them (oh, I’m such a good girl lol). But then this month, I went to the Philippine Heart Center for my regular check-up and my cardiologist said that I have “no dietary restrictions” anymore, so I can eat whatever I want, right? When I realized that, I was so happy and great timing, our family friend in the US sent lots of chocolates! He must have had this feeling that I could eat chocolate now. Haha this is paradiseeeeee!

Change #2: Dad gets assigned to ARMM

I just got a text message from my dad this afternoon saying that he’s now officially assigned to the police regional office in ARMM (Autonomous Region of Muslim Mindanao). As I said in my previous entry, my dad is a police officer and he gets assigned to different places as part of his job. When I was young, he used to work in Cavite, Batangas, and other places. But the point is, it was near Manila so we could still visit him every weekend, or he gets to visit us when he has the time. He got assigned to Interpol too, and he travelled to different countries, but he only did so when there were operations; so he always came back and stayed longer here at home. Now, it’s a really far place and he would need to stay there for a long time (not that he can come home every weekend, though. It’s going to be costly). To those who are not familiar with Philippine geography, we have three major islands: Luzon, Visayas, and Mindanao. Luzon is at the top and that’s where Manila is (so that’s where we are), and Mindanao is like waaaaay south. I guess we would just have to make constant contact and check on how he is doing; that’s the most we can do right now. We will just support him in his decision and I know that it’s going to be good for everyone anyway. Oh, and did I mention that he might be able to visit his hometown? I think that’s going to be good for him because he really wants to see how it’s doing! He hopes that it’s not such a violent place anymore so that he could take us there someday. I think he’s going to do well there :)

Change #3: Pescetarian diet HELLO MEAT DIET

This scares me a lot. I don’t know why. I think I’m just used to my pescetarian diet; I mean, I’ve been going meat-free for 3 years and now that I am actually REQUIRED to eat meat, I don’t know how to begin putting meat in my diet again! I actually feel bad because I like my fish and veggie diet more, for many reasons. But then whenever I visit my cardiologist she always tells me to eat meat and my brother told me this too, because of the protein and iron content something. I don’t really understand fully since I’m not a medical student, but apparently my heart needs the protein that meat gives and that the protein from fish and soy won’t be enough for me since I have a special condition. The same goes for the iron content. *sigh* I don’t really know how to start doing this. Well, I started consuming chicken again and got terrible tummy aches the day after. But I guess it is because I overdid it and it’s just my first time to eat chicken again. I think I’ll start slowly. I don’t think I’ll go back to eating pork, though. I just don’t like its taste. Yuck.